I used to believe that anything I set my mind to – is possible and achievable but then I started growing up and then somehow started disbelieving myself.
I started to feel that I wasn’t special because I didn’t look a certain way.. Because the people around me, made me feel “ugly” because I did not fit into their standards of beauty – I was not especial.
They were looking down on me, telling me:
I am too dark skinned
I am too short for my age (I did not grow up)
I was ugly
I grew insecure with myself and my body.
I was not happy with the way my life was unfolding during my earlier years. My sickly habits were slowly eating my innocence and chastity.
I grew insecure, full of envy, and alone.
But what truly amazes me….. Was how… I didn’t loss hope on my self and how I fought for my life..
Good music, good books and God’s grace were the ones that kept feeding my soul with hope and inspiration…
And a little bit of day dreaming…
I went into college however my demons were still there after me… I thought of giving up many times but I ask myself.. “If I give up now, what will happen to me, to my life? This can’t be the end of me. “
Somehow, during those rough times in a way I was able to received some recognitions… And I finished college and earned a degree.
Now, I’m on a new chapter of my life..
And it brings me joy knowing I am victorious in my Lord Jesus Christ who continuously gives me grace and strength everyday to obey and follow Him.
My past experiences in life made me doubt myself… And in my dreams..
2017, I was after my dreams, with constant examinations, reviews, sacrifices along the way….
The fortune was on my side, I gained an employer but my desired overall band score of IELTS (an English competency exam) was still not enough.. speaking 8, listening 7.5, reading 7, writing 6.5 overall is 7.5
I took another type of English exam – OET but I still got the same results..
God knows the sacrifices and efforts I made to prepare… And even ate my own pride and shame, going several times in the review center and hoping for a positive result….
3 sets of exams… Months of preparation and sacrifices… Not having time for my self…
I grew tired and at the moment I feel like I’m losing my mojo and interest.. It’s all negativities I’m sending…
I’m giving up with my UK dream..
And now there’s another exam I’m about to prepare – the NCLEX exam for the USA.
(Come to think of it, I know I can pass the exam… But I’m tired of thinking another months of reviewing and attending classes… and I’m exhausted of thinking about what the result will be… 😟😟😟)
There’s alot of what ifs…
But amidst all these doubts, there’s that little spec of light peaking in the corner of my heart and mind….
If my former college classmate Jaime can do it… I know I too can do it… (Jaime, was my friend and college and she was on of those people who believe in my capabilities especially academically…. )
My IELST band score may not be enough for uk but it’s more than enough for the USA.
Perhaps the universe is telling me, I am not for UK because I am for the USA.
Instead of losing interest and thinking of giving up on my dreams of working abroad….
I should remember my childhood dreams,
The people who told me I can’t.
The people who doubted me…
The UK is over – my agency, my documents, my sacrifices but not my dreams…
Anyway, I really didn’t like working in the uk because of its extreme cold weather, and I can’t imagine a day without a sunshine…
All those sacrifices were not wasted….
I was able to prove to myself how great I can be.. Passing speaking exam 3x in a row with a high score…
The opportunity to be heard by big bosses from the UK and actually gained their approval and be accepted from their hospital….
And its not the first time that someone didn’t made it in IELTS/OET writing… There were several other aspirant who only need another point 5 to gain all 7…..
Because the truth is, I am beyond blessed and thankful that there are people around me who is never giving up on me, on my dreams and on the things I can achieve. The people who are willing to push me and invest in my dreams…
This is not the end…
This is just the beginning…
This is where my Law of Attraction should begin…
Stop worrying about the things that’s yet to come and start doing something you can do to actually grab your dreams…
This is just the beginning….
Invest in your dreams and in you, my darling…
Take it slowly and surely…
My mind tells me I’m unworthy to work in the USA…
But I’ll tell you why I’m worthy to work in a country as elite as the USA..
- I work hard for my dreams
- I can tolerate all humiliation and delayed salary just to be better with my choosen craft
- I am loved. I look after my patients with equality and respect in the best of my abilities and whenever I could
- I respect my profession (and will always do anything to make up for whatever inequities I make)
- Just as how I bring love and respect to my country now, I will be the same to other country
- I am helping myself now become a better person publicly and privately.
- The USA is my dream workplace, because the USA is for anyone who have a dream.
- I will bring my country to the USA. Working abroad will not make me reject my own country, this will help me bring extra income to my homeland and introduced the thousand beautiful island in my country
- I will always bring the island-tropical-sunny vibes in me to the USA
- I want to sing in the American stage, as it’s the biggest country in the world.
- The USA needs someone like me. Someone who is there to work for its people while bringing extra tropics and sunny on its land. Because just as how much I love my country the Philippines, I will love the USA the same way.