Miss Insecure

….even my zodiac sign says I am a jealous type.


Is one disease I am easily affected with.

Here are the list of things that makes me easily envy:

  1. Girls taller than me
  2. Girls prettier than me – I hate that there’s seems to be a competition of who’s the prettiest in my family (mist especially within my relatives) and how it matters so much to other people. It bothers me before but now I strongly believe there’s much more important matters than outward appearance.
  3. Those who gets away with family issue unseemingly such as (early) pregnancy – it’s not that pregnancy is the issue but just how they handle the stress and pressure and with how gossips and hersays seems to unaffect them makes me envy them. I hate that I don’t feel there vulnerability and fragility.
  4. The ones who easily get along and have fun with eachothers company (as if I’m not around / wanted any longer)

I envy this kind of people big time. I do my very best all the time to be recognized as a good friend. But then most often I end up alone and rejected

One time my cousins from State came to spend their vacation here. And I was highly agitated and anxious. Hoping they will like me. I was exhausted with trying to be their only one their favorite cousin but then I heared this one cousin of mine (with the same birth sign as my other cousin) says “I like her where more of a Sister now.” I hurt me. And from then on. I jsut surrender and gave up paying all attention to be like back.

The feeling of rejection hurts the most.

The people that gets into my nerve.

Girls with alot of friends – to be honest I have this one cousin of mine that really makes me feel alone in the world by making sure she points out how many friends she have and how friendless I am. But I don’t let it affect me now. I stay away from this kind of people as much as possible. (It actually don’t make me feel envy, it just makes me feel lonely)

And there are people who do things to make you feel envy…

And I hate those kind of people.

I ones shared the same energy with those type but I’m slowly whining myself out of their field of energy as it seems unhealthy for me already.

As if I don’t already know and see it.

I have this aunt of mine and ever since when I was young I constantly hear people saying I will be like her and that I look like her….

I only saw her when I was in 4th grade…

When I finished my degree as she was the one financing me – I had intense anxiety hoping she’ll like me when she had her vacation here.

Fast forward…

I get envy with those cousins of mine who easily gets close with her.

As I am aloof and distant myself.

I respect her so much for without her financial aid I wouldn’t be able to attain a degree in nursing.

I dislike those people who makes me feel less.

To my cousins who makes me feel little, whenever they point out their cooler.

I’ve learned to shut them out by blocking them or limiting my time on social media.

They make me feel small by pointing out my flaws…..

As if i don’t already know it.

I’ve learned to keep distance as I feel like they tend to soar more higher when I am around them.

I feel like they tend to feel more great about themselves when I am around to hear and see their greatness.

Thus I don’t want to be around with this tyoe of people as I dislike feeling left out and feeling envy.

Do you get me? Have you ever done the same thing? And is there such thing?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s