How Is She Now?

Q, was a random girl… She was rather odd and aloof highschool girl.

She went to college and hardly survives herself…..

There were moments of peace and love in those years but it never last because the darkness that she unknowingly had in her keeps on robbing her happiness……

Time went by, and all she had was a big, open wound in her life…

That was constantly bruised… And it never healed….

She was judging herself harshly , inspite of knowing her own story… Now imagine how other people who don’t know her story judges her….

.

.

.

.

But what she never realized was the kind of strong girl that she is…

Going through it all……

.

.

.

.

.

.

And it began some 24 years ago, when a baby girl was born from a young-some 25 year old parents.

And named her Q.

She was an ordinary baby girl.

She was a cute, chubby, tan baby girl.

Years went by and everywhere Q goes she is well loved by the people around her especially her neighbors – because she was a talkative, entertaining, honest and smart girl.

She was very smart and at a very young age people could easily notice it.

Q, was loved by her parents and play times with her dad and happy moments with her mom is still vivid to her
…………..

But all that change

Nightmares came and destroyed her….

Slowly and surely……..

Q, became aloof, silent and distance.

This is the part where thieves slowly destroyed and robs her of everything. Turning her darker….

…..

…..

Sometimes adults do things they don’t realize are affecting and harming the children around them….

And those things caused curiosity and confusion on Q’s part……

……

But before this……….

Unknowingly, Q’s shine was starting to dull from every mean humiliation and body shaming she received from the people around her….

Basically, making her feel less of herself………..

But, her talent and intelligence were undeniable….

Q, continued to excel amidst it all…..

But, remember, earlier… She was exposed to adult stuffs at a young age….

She began to unconsciously made harmful habits part of her system….

………….

It went on….. And on….

…………

Q, was slowly being swallowed by this darkness…..

She was all hurt badly….

and Body shamed by the color of her skin and by the way she looks…..

……….

She was full of insecurities….

Eventually, she also started disliking her body……

………

She develop low self esteem…..

But still her undeniable talent and intelligence keeps on raising on the surface………

Q, did not know the harm her negative habits are causing her….

…..

Grade school came it was stressful…

Highschool came even more stressful..

College came which was the most stressful..

All this stress caused her to resort to negative habits….

….

Clouding her thoughts…..

….

But as she grew into an adult,

Slowly……..

This negative habits she is engaging started to make her feel more guilty and she knew she wasn’t her self.. She had deep agony every time she turns into this habit because she knew that was not her and her heart greatly condemns her….

..

.

..

.

.

.

.

And the next years, were even worse…

She started feeling depressed.

Theses habits seems impossible to give up….

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

She was destroyed

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

But if there’s one thing, that wss not mentioned here is that…

Q, was a woman of faith..

And the grace of God was with her…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

She had GOD within her.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Despite the failures she never ever lost faith and hope on the promises of GOD.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

She started her life in agony

But God’s plan is to turn the barren and deserted land of her life into a paradise

And God is making miracles and wonders on her everyday

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

How is she now?

That girl who was quiet, strange and insecure…

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

.

.

.

How is that girl now? The girl that was bullied, and called names.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

God is making breakthrough in her life Now

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And God is within her she will not fall.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

She believes that everything has a season

.

.

She patiently waits for God’s time…

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Slowly, her life is unfolding into a victorious heroic story.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Gradually, color are coming out of her.

The true colors that she kept inside.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Yet all these bravery,

makes her want to become more adventurous and spontaneous.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

New, healthy and vibrating habits are building up…..

And every cell of her body is happy about it..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

New life, she never even imagined to have in her life….

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

New splash of colors are emerging in her life………

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And God’s grace just keeps on abounding on her life.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The Universe is toning to her vibrancy and making way for her.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

there is no stopping her…..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

🏹Dream Life

One day I’ll get there and be able to buy the things I want in life..

And I’m gonna work for it no matter what…

I have failed several times but I’m not giving up…

It

I am my own Beautiful

I know someone who compares one persons beauty and talent towards other.

And what I know is being compared to others is the saddest thing to be in life.

Because every person, every woman is her own beauty and charm.

And I think that being one self and having self confidence and love is the most magnificent feeling and vibes to be felt.

It’s appreciating your own.

And appreciating others goodness without questioning your own.

Self Compassion

Occupy your thoughts with positive and good vibes…

It’s good that your aware of what your currently feeling…

Chest Tightness

Difficulty Breathing

Preoccupied Mind

(This is what I’m experiencing most of the time… When I feel like I’m out of place)

Acknowledge it.

Move on.

Because Your Life Is Yours To Create

Used it in building your life and in doing things that makes you happy and most alive..

🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸 🌸

Be the bigger person.

Letting them anger you, distract you, get your attention makes them the bigger person, makes them the winner, that makes you a miserable and stress person.

Let the stress go..

Move forward and give yourself a little hug…

‘Cuz most of the times people make a fuss to make you feel a little less comfortable and insecure and reacting to that – gives them the permission to control and sabotage you emotionally.

That’s when you need to have a little more self confidence, self love and compassion…

Eventually, they will get tired of it and realized your so much more to just be easily knocked down….

Be strong….

And showing the world your having fun and making the most out of life won’t hurt anybody… (except the jealous ones)

Go ahead you deserve to be happy, to have a life….

Just make sure to live life righteously and happily without having to place stumbling blocks for other people’s way to happiness…

Because after all, it is everybody’s dream to be happy…

But the thing is, you just gotta be careful to whom you share your positive energy because in this life – there are people who’s happiness is seeing you living life miserably..

🌻

Appreciate and acknowledge those who will be you in ups and downs..

And spending your time to prove people your kind is a waste of time…

Because what’s in your soul and heart will always flaunt out the greatest in you without trying…

So plant more love, faith, grace and goodness in your heart…. Because your energy itself will do the work…


Take it easy, darling ….

And when your finally feeling good yourself, finally getting green eye out of your system and learning to love yourself a little more, oozing with self confidence and snuggling self compassion – embrace it and let it out!!!

And little by little, you’ll notice others wishing you more happiness in life for being the real and true person that you are…

Take it easy… effortlessly… naturally… and unselfishly…


It’s a process darling and one day you’ll get there…

And you’re on your way..

The key is to always be PRESENT, in your NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Mindfulness 🌿

I Deserve To Be HAPPY😚

This is the world I see:

People comparing two or three people together.

People making others feel small because of the achievements others had.

People making you feel envy because their cool, they can laugh well with friends, because they are not you… They are made with long bones.

People, who breaks your spirit by telling me I am not enough. Not beautiful enough, not charming enough, not okay enough.

People who only sees you when your not broken but disowns you when your alone and broken.

People you want to get to know well yet end up leaving you and instead choose to bond together without you.

People leaving you after they’ve felt good about themselves

And I believe these happened often because…

  • I care too much and had these perfect perception of someone. I praised her often, and made her feel good often… I cared too much. I invested so much positive vibes to this people, that the end up eating mine and when they feel good themselves, end up turning their back on me and left me alone.

This is what I wished I did:

  • Leave them as they are
  • Should have not invested and depended too much on them emotionally and socially
  • Should have not act out of emotions just because they are “these vulnerable” at the moment (everyone’s the same)

Because this is me:

  • All out..
  • “Here I’ll give you this (may it be a thing, or a positive vibes) / (because I pity you, because I feel good about myself, or simply because I want you to have it…) but what happened? I thought you were broken like me but how come I don’t know you anymore…
  • I helped you because I thought you were the person I was looking for… Broken and hurt like me but you weren’t all of that… You’re everything opposite I thought you were.. you’ve changed… You became this different person, you are this in front of me and when you were in front of others you are someone I don’t know anymore.
  • I’ve loved and lived frugally, simply and quietly but here you are…. Showing off to others you’re brand new self, the wonderful person you’ve become, and that your all put together….. I don’t know why but somehow this make me feel bad after… Because you are a different person in front of me and in front of others…
  • I am too soft hearted myself…. And I end up feeling betrayed when I see you all feeling good with others.. Leaving me all behind….
  • I am a people pleaser… And I want so much to control others and made them the kind of person I want them to be…

⭐ This is what I’ve learned:

That’s it’s no crime to feel good about yourself….

That’s it’s no crime to wear this and be this…

That you have the right to be beautiful and not put so much attention on others just to be liked in return…

That I don’t owe other people’s approval of who I am… As long as I do no harm against them….

Because this is what I believed in growing up:

To please others…

To be all kept…

To be likeable and special…

I was never myself growing up, I was full of envy and insecurities…..

But I’ve realized growing up that the world does not revolve around me…. And its not all about me….

⭐ life and getting along with others still seems too complicated for me.. Because I am unpredictable myself..

🙆But this the world I imagine myself to be

#1 I CAN BE MYSELF.

I cannot even describe who I am…

This is what I want:

I want to be seen by others as effortless..

I don’t want tension and heaviness associated with me..

I want to be told as kind and easy to please.

I want to be kind without even trying to prove to others that I am…

I want to send off a sense confidence in myself to others….

Self-confidence, self-love and compassion

All of these without struggling and trying so hard to be called such…

Have a life…. And Just Do The Things That Makes You Happy..

Because

I

Deserved

To

Have

A

Life

And

Deserved

To

Live

It

In

The

Most

Magnificent

Way

I

Could.

If others like all my cousins, my family and friends can have the time of their life…. Why can’t I? What’s holding me back?

Should life be always like grieving, loneliness and sadness for me? Without happiness? Should I have to live the rest of my life that way?

When the people I know are making family of their own, seizing their dreams, laughing and smiling being themselves, not minding about what others have to say, when others have made a mistake yet taken as if nothing happened, when theyre travelling, going out and having fun….

Yet here I am depriving myself with happiness.

Wasting my youth, my time snd energy with wrong things.

I

Am

More

Than

Enough

NCLEX PASSER 2019: PHRN,USRN 🍃

I used to believe that anything I set my mind to – is possible and achievable but then I started growing up and then somehow started disbelieving myself.

I started to feel that I wasn’t special because I didn’t look a certain way.. Because the people around me, made me feel “ugly” because I did not fit into their standards of beauty – I was not especial.

They were looking down on me, telling me:
I am too dark skinned
I am too short for my age (I did not grow up)
I was ugly

I grew insecure with myself and my body.
I was not happy with the way my life was unfolding during my earlier years. My sickly habits were slowly eating my innocence and chastity.

I grew insecure, full of envy, and alone.

But what truly amazes me….. Was how… I didn’t loss hope on my self and how I fought for my life..

Good music, good books and God’s grace were the ones that kept feeding my soul with hope and inspiration…

And a little bit of day dreaming…

I went into college however my demons were still there after me… I thought of giving up many times but I ask myself.. “If I give up now, what will happen to me, to my life? This can’t be the end of me. “

Somehow, during those rough times in a way I was able to received some recognitions… And I finished college and earned a degree.


Now, I’m on a new chapter of my life..

And it brings me joy knowing I am victorious in my Lord Jesus Christ who continuously gives me grace and strength everyday to obey and follow Him.


My past experiences in life made me doubt myself… And in my dreams..

2017, I was after my dreams, with constant examinations, reviews, sacrifices along the way….

The fortune was on my side, I gained an employer but my desired overall band score of IELTS (an English competency exam) was still not enough.. speaking 8, listening 7.5, reading 7, writing 6.5 overall is 7.5

I took another type of English exam – OET but I still got the same results..

God knows the sacrifices and efforts I made to prepare… And even ate my own pride and shame, going several times in the review center and hoping for a positive result….

3 sets of exams… Months of preparation and sacrifices… Not having time for my self…

I grew tired and at the moment I feel like I’m losing my mojo and interest.. It’s all negativities I’m sending…

I’m giving up with my UK dream..

And now there’s another exam I’m about to prepare – the NCLEX exam for the USA.

(Come to think of it, I know I can pass the exam… But I’m tired of thinking another months of reviewing and attending classes… and I’m exhausted of thinking about what the result will be… 😟😟😟)

There’s alot of what ifs…

But amidst all these doubts, there’s that little spec of light peaking in the corner of my heart and mind….

If my former college classmate Jaime can do it… I know I too can do it… (Jaime, was my friend and college and she was on of those people who believe in my capabilities especially academically…. )

My IELST band score may not be enough for uk but it’s more than enough for the USA.

Perhaps the universe is telling me, I am not for UK because I am for the USA.

Instead of losing interest and thinking of giving up on my dreams of working abroad….

I should remember my childhood dreams,

The people who told me I can’t.

The people who doubted me…

The UK is over – my agency, my documents, my sacrifices but not my dreams…

Anyway, I really didn’t like working in the uk because of its extreme cold weather, and I can’t imagine a day without a sunshine…

All those sacrifices were not wasted….

I was able to prove to myself how great I can be.. Passing speaking exam 3x in a row with a high score…

The opportunity to be heard by big bosses from the UK and actually gained their approval and be accepted from their hospital….

And its not the first time that someone didn’t made it in IELTS/OET writing… There were several other aspirant who only need another point 5 to gain all 7…..

Because the truth is, I am beyond blessed and thankful that there are people around me who is never giving up on me, on my dreams and on the things I can achieve. The people who are willing to push me and invest in my dreams…

This is not the end…

This is just the beginning…

This is where my Law of Attraction should begin…

Stop worrying about the things that’s yet to come and start doing something you can do to actually grab your dreams…

This is just the beginning….

Invest in your dreams and in you, my darling…

Take it slowly and surely…


US-RN

My mind tells me I’m unworthy to work in the USA…

But I’ll tell you why I’m worthy to work in a country as elite as the USA..

  1. I work hard for my dreams
  2. I can tolerate all humiliation and delayed salary just to be better with my choosen craft
  3. I am loved. I look after my patients with equality and respect in the best of my abilities and whenever I could
  4. I respect my profession (and will always do anything to make up for whatever inequities I make)
  5. Just as how I bring love and respect to my country now, I will be the same to other country
  6. I am helping myself now become a better person publicly and privately.
  7. The USA is my dream workplace, because the USA is for anyone who have a dream.
  8. I will bring my country to the USA. Working abroad will not make me reject my own country, this will help me bring extra income to my homeland and introduced the thousand beautiful island in my country
  9. I will always bring the island-tropical-sunny vibes in me to the USA
  10. I want to sing in the American stage, as it’s the biggest country in the world.
  11. The USA needs someone like me. Someone who is there to work for its people while bringing extra tropics and sunny on its land. Because just as how much I love my country the Philippines, I will love the USA the same way.

Nag-inusara

Sana wala nalang ako dito…

Di rin naman ako masaya sa buhay ko…

Lage nalang akong mag-isa at malungkot…

Gusto kung lumayo at ….

Mawala habang buhay….

Ayoko na sa buhay na to…

Sobrang lungkot at hirap…

Sa gabi ang hirap matulog mag-isa lalo na’t walang ilaw….

Pagod na ako…

Sa hirap ng aking buhay…

Lagi nalang akong nasasaktam sa lahat ng bagay…

Gusto ko nang sumaya…

Maranasamg sumaya….

Kung ako ma’y inilagay sa mundong ito para magsusa at maghirap nalang parati…

Sana di nalang ako nabuhay…

Mas nanaisin ko pang wala analang ako dito…

Gusto kong sumigaw….

Tumalon sa sakit….

Sana….

Lagi nalang sana…..

Ayoko ko na…


Ka bati sa akong life…

Sge, nalang nag inusara..

Maypa sila cge ariba ug malipayun….

Hikug nalang ta ana best!


Kaya palage akong wala kase ayokong makita nila akong malumgkot…


Oo nga nasa city ako. Masaya, madaming ilaw…

Pero para naman akong nasa bundok…

Parati nalang nakakulong sa aking lunga…


Walang kaibigan sa buhay…

Di na nga maganda, wala pang kaibigan…

Bakit ko to sinasabi lahat sa sarili ko?

Kasi ito ang totoo…

Dapat mamuhay ako sa katotohanan mg saganun matutunan kong mamuhay ng normal at matutunana ko kung anong dapat ituwid ko…..


Unceasingly chasing after my dreams

Dear Self,

Where should I start?

.

I guess I should begin by saying…

The Lord God knows what you need”

He may not give to you yet, but please let us not give up on our dreams.

Take a rest.

But never cease to follow your dreams..

Your dream of working abroad is not a race that should be hurriedly chase.

It’s something that should be taken slow and surely.

And I am just glad that you did your best and took the first step.

Still, congratulations to you…

Whatever are your plans now.. Lay it all to God and keep quiet about it…

Let your success speak for itself…

London is just there waiting…

It may not be the right time yet.

But surely everything will fall into God’s perfect time.

And promise me, not to give up on your dreams.

Because one day, you’ll be old and regret looking back with the dreams you didn’t fought.

Right now…

Please know that you are blessed..

And that GOD is constantly providing you with the things you need now…


When you took your transition at work, you never expected to be employed yet look how God’s wander looks.

Fight for your dreams, Hanna and never give up.


Right now. Live in the moment.

And grow where you are planted.

And always, always…

Be Humble.


You have that dream because it’s there for a reason..

God intentionally place it in you…

He believes in your ability and patience…

And one day, if you just keep going and doing good…

He’ll hand it down to you…

And all the sour days of waiting will be the sweetest success you’ll ever have.


God is good and He knows the things that you need…

Like how He never leaves you during your tough times…

He is also there witj you every step you take towards your dream…

And take a moment to look back on your life…

Realized and see that GOD had helped you get through it all with flying colors.

Today, is just not the best time…

And HE knows when’s the right time…

.

.

.

.

Have faith on His plans.

Surrender all your dreams on His feet.

Be a gentle, lowly and quiet spirit.

And in all your days……

Trust on Him.


London, New Zealand or Australia….

One day you’ll write to me a letter and when that day will come you’re there already overlooking their majestic views.

Love,

Dream Catcher

RN diaries

31/3/18

What happened?

-Patient complains that the blood product was not consumed well.

What went wrong?

– ( To be honest now that they are bringing it up I’m not so sure of myself anymore… I feel like I’m beginning to believed there side ) –

What went right?

– It was a Night Shift and I remembered receiving the PRBC from the previous shift as a NH.

I was about to reinsert the BT site since the BT line was not infusing well but I was told by our charge nurse to get a Blood Pump instead. I went to two wards to look for it and when I finally have it I place it on the PRBC.

I remember not removing it from the blood pump when I was removing the BT line and replacing his iv line for heplock but deflated it instead.

I am certain that it was consumed.

Because I know that BT is good for 6 hours at maximum.

– The watchers of the patient was their to testify that I was constantly checking the patient and the BT line.

-If ever there are some residues it’s probably those that are sticking on the BT plastic IVF.

I was certain it was consumed because I can remember thinking to myself that this should be transfused well to the patient because of his low hgb level and finding a donor can be difficult.

– And on the first place the IV stand was on his head part it was quite tall so it would be difficult for him to really have a clear view of it… And his watchers were there, they knew I was constantly in checked… And if it weren’t really consumed they should be the first one to respond or react since I even asked for their assistance and they had a clearer view (for the older watcher rather)

– I went to check the patient the moment I was told about it… I could not be at ease knowing that that’s what he thought and discuss it with the patient and the two significant others. And I was there for a long time. I only hope he was convinced because I was certain and the two watchers were there to testify that it was not a failed act.

What would you do if it happened again?

  • Assess the situation well before any intervention

In this case prior to terminating the line I must assess it well.

“Nursing is hard for a novice and traumatic nurse like me”

Every duty please don’t think everything is a routine that you just act automatically.

Please be mindful of your task.

Especially with medications.

Do not be in a hurry.

ASSESS

√ Right Route (site, iv infusion set)

√Right Medication

√Right Patient

√Right Dosage

√Right Documentation

Manage Time Effectively

Most especially at times of sudden problems.

And most importantly…

Always do what is right.

And to do that….

ACT LIKE A NURSE.

Practice your licensed in a well-mannered and effective way.

My perceived weakness:

  • Unintentional Error – happens when I am not focus and mindful with my task but on other things (such as my anxiety and fear of committing a mistake)