Imperfect Mess

I was a child once. And I wish I was there for the little me.

At a very young age, unknowingly I remember engaging into promiscuous activities.

I was sexually promiscuous at such a young age.

And I had several contact with others kids, both boys and girls.

I remember seeing sexual scenes, that the adults around me were watching and doing.

And little did I know, how it affect my little mind.

And this was the darkest part of my childhood, I’ve never told anybody and that I am always afraid to go back to.

As I entered early adolescence, my younger girl cousin and I did it.

I don’t know why or what get into me….. I just remember doing it…

Have I been molested when I was young?

No. I definitely do not remember being molested.

Although I remember the adults who were supposed to guide me, were the ones being irresponsible and perhaps unknowingly mislead me.

Although I never had any contact since then to anyone.

Somehow, this promiscuity never seemed to leave me.

As a young adolescent, I was spending much of my time watching sexual scenes usually on TV and sometimes on the internet. Had even engaged with promiscuous sexual texting.

And M**********N. Something I am not proud of.

Something I am constantly battling about.

Something I am continuously praying to acclaim victory and freedom….

Lately been watching lesbians kissing and making out….

What started out unknowingly during my early childhood days are now slowly consuming me and destroying me.

I am still guilty of this things even when I went to college..

But when I started my college years in a Christian university, my life changed 360 degrees…

It was then that I was awaked by the negative effect this habit is causing me.

It was then that I started doing something about it…

I wanted it to stop, I wanted to be free from it..

But when I found myself alone, and with internet, or with TV, no matter how I tell myself not to expose myself to this,but still have this thinking I can handle this…. but then I end up doing it…and feeling really hopeless after.

And now the guilt and after-hopelessness-feels it gives me after realising I get into it again – is giving me tremendous anxiety, guilt and shame.

I am not proud about this portion of my childhood.

I wish I have known what I know now.

I wish “they” were there for me close enough to guide and teach me.

Now that I’m an adult, I’ve grown into a conservative and reserved person..

and purity and chastity is what I am always after.

I wish I could regain back my innocence… and go back to time.

But then I can’t.

I started the year of 2017, all clean but ended up messing it this pass few months.

But I am thankful that I began my -Ber Months happily and free from such guilt all thru God’s grace.

It is always my prayer to remain obedient in the teachings of The Lord and to be pleasing in His eyes, NOW AND FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.

Now I am going through sexual confusion.

Somehow, I am sexually attracted to naked girls than boys.

But then again, I want to have a family someday…

Get married. And found the man God made for me.

To my younger self:

I’m sorry I wasn’t there to tell you the right thing you should have done.

I’m sorry…

But know that God won’t get you through something you cannot handle.

I know it doesn’t make sense why of all the young girls it was you who have to go through all that….

And i don’t know what to say anymore, since i don’t hold the future, I don’t know what’s certain for you.

Although I know you long to live a life, being a woman of virtue, to become a good mother and wife.

If I give in to this thoughts of being attracted to girls, getting into a relationship with a girl, what would my family say, what would the people who know me would say?

What if I’m really a TOMBOY?

What if I got married and have kids but is secretly having attraction with other girls?

I am attracted to girls.

Am I really?

Or am I just under the influence of my pass? Or loneliness?

If I’m gonna be a tomboy, I hope I will no longer get myself into selfish act of love.

I don’t know anymore.

People see me as this sweet and quiet girl.

Prayerful and sometimes an introvert type.

What would they say if I actually told them I’m a homosexual.

Am I?

Becasue it sounds disgusting.

I am just a girl who is sexually attracted to naked girls than with naked man.

But I don’t wanna be a girl who is occupied with promiscuous thoughts.

No matter who I am.

I want to have a mind with Godly and pleasing thoughts.

A mind and heart with respect to my body amd others.

Why am I telling you this things?

First, somehow I want to let it out of my system and hopefully connect to others who feel they are alone in this battle.

Second, to the adults with younger siblings or family members.. please be responsible with the things you are saying and doing infront of the children.

To my wounded self (&other souls out there) :

I want you to know how proud I am with you, for sharing your stories to the universe.

Pray without ceasing and continually ask for God’s guidance and instructions.

Live in your present.

God saves, just as He did to my barren and lifeless life.

My background:

I grow up seeing my dad constantly abuse my mom verbally and emotionally.

One night my mom and dad had an argument, my dad was riding a motorcycle, with my mom and my I think 4 or 5 years old self on the back seat, and he started riding really, really fast like he didnt cared if I was there. We even went pass far away our house.

I would sometimes see my uncles and sometimes my dad, watching pornographic movies. He keeps alot of those CD hidden.

One night, I saw my uncle and this lady, disgustingly making out behind the door.

My mom had to work hard to meet our needs. But sometimes, as Ive noticed from her now that I’m an adult, I think she was didn’t really watched over as well.

So please don’t judge me.

This was not the kind of childhood I want for myself.

I’ve been battling with my negative habits. That started when I was young.

It makes me feel hopeless everytime I am tempted and found myself doing it again.

I am suffocated by intense guilt and shame.

I feel worthless, yet worthy of all the pains in life from others meaness.

Please pray for me because now and for as long as I live…It is my heart’s desire to be an honest, pleasant and obedient woman to the words of the Lord, behind and infront of others. .

To be free from guilt. And to live simply and happily obeying the teachings of God.

My virginity was something special for me.

I value it, but I cannot bring it back…

If only my 5 years old-broken and-unguided-self knew.

To be honest, that is the most difficult thing to go through.

I cannot believe how I manage to get through it.

But really it was not of my own doing, but that of God’s grace and mercy.

**to be continued*

I am his hurting daughter

Dear Father,

(Just by writing down the word father, seems strange to me.)

If you don’t like me, please don’t try to hurt me.

Remember when you tried to hurt me when I was young?

You chase after me, that I literally have to run away from you…

And then all the other fights you tried to picked with my mom?

I don’t really know how it began..When I stopped looking at you, and stopped having affection with you.

Did it starts when I saw you dropped down a pile of eggs on my mom’s face?

Or did it start when I heard mama say,”don’t hurt her that much, or she’ll keep distant with you. ”

But I guess it never mattered to you, I guess I don’t mattered at all to you..

You know how I fear your presence?

How I’m afraid you start to dropped things on purpose, how I’m afraid you’ll start to slam the door, or shout at my mom or notice one small thing and try to make it an issue?

I guess I became to bitter by time.. and then loss you…

But why is it when you’re around, I feel this heaviness and intense anger in me?

Did you know, I have this thought that you didn’t love me?

Did you also know that because of that I sometimes think of myself not good enough?

Perhaps he doesn’t like me because I’m not pretty enough to be her daughter, not sociable and likable enough… maybe he doesn’t like me because I’m too strange to be her daughter.

Recently you picked a fight with me and then you yelled at me, calling me names… you were so sensitive back then with my moves that you tried to make it big.. perhaps it was only triggered that day, when your real issue was when I tried to give you an intense look in the eye.

That day I arrived from work, with thoughts running wild on my mind because with what happened at work, and then there you were, yelling at me for something I didn’t know you actually disapproved, bringing the dogs inside when it was alright to you before….. then you started hitting the dog and what surprised and pained me was hearing the other dog groaned from pain then you started to scare my dog as well…

I didn’t know what to say or do…

That all I did was looked at you with such anger and surprise and then I remember, I just cried while eating my lunch, saying to myself “can this day become any worse.. so perhaps this is my life… unwelcomed at work even at home. ”

Then that one night, when you were so pissed off by me.. you yelled at me and tried to hurt me… then claimed that, I ALWAYS have this angry, ugly look at you.. when I NEVER PUT MY EYE ON YOU FOR A LONG, LONG TIME, JUST THAT DAY…

and you tried to blame me like all of this was my fault.

I thought to myself, you are not far off from the people back at work who try to fabricate stories towards me.

I had a nightmare that night and some nights after that and even tonight..

then this dreams frightens me that I end up crying from sleep…

I’m scared to be in the same room as you…

I’m afraid to be involved in the same drama with you…

I’m afraid you’ll gonna make fabricated lies and exaggerations about me again…

And oh! Did you know , I’m having trouble with myself too?

I tried to understand you with all the things you’ve been through, but you never tried to be good, perhaps you did, but it didn’t last long…

I hope I will stop waking up crying from bad dreams..

I’m already old but somehow I feel very affected..

How I pitied that younger me… compared to where I am now, where I have several options already that I can choose to…

No wonder I am what I am today because of all the things I’ve been through…

I just hope I’m not so mistrustful and paranoid.. i hope I’m not too passive and isolated with my peers …

I hope I am not that too alienated with man (the only man I can identify myself sometimes is with my brother).

You know whats the most peculiar thing?

That sense of liberation and joy to be living away from all your dramas……

To live a peaceful life, that’s all I really want.

And that very night, I prayed and told God, “I forgive you.” Not because you deserve it, but because I deserve some peace.

An Honest Prayer of A Fragile Heart

Dear Lord GOD,

I’ve never been in any romantic relationship.

And sometimes I can be so naive.

When I admire someone, it hits me down to the core.

I love so deeply.

And what I’m afraid of is getting hurt for loving the wrong man.

Or getting attached to the wrong man.

Lord GOD, I am a heart with so many issues with love and with man, probably due to my early resentment towards the man (my father) who should have made me felt enough but never did.

Lord GOD, I am a heart that loves deeply and passionately.

You know how loyal I can be with love.

But dear Lord, prepare my heart and direct me to the right man.

Please don’t let my already broken heart be shattered again.

I longed to be love by the man I admire and I long to loved someone as well.

I long to be in a romantic relationship and someday build a family of our own.

Raise children who are God-fearing and happy ones.

Guide this messy and chaotic state of my heart Lord God against man who only wanna play with it or make fun of it.

I may have been empty of love from my earthly father, but all this time from the first tears cried(that’s a lyric from a song) , I know You Lord God were there for me until this very day.

And Your presence alone is more than enough.

That is why I can say, I don’t need an attention or affection of a man to be complete for in God alone I am fulfilled.

Most probably the reason I am not flirt or don’t seek a man’s attention. Out of there radar, let’s say it that way.

But dear GOD, I will wait in Your perfect time.

For in true love, I still hope.

Happy heart

Hello!

I just want to let you know that in your inexistance, I am the girl who can conquer the world.

I am completely my happy and true self apart from you.

Without you in my life..

I am as free and as happy as a child.

Naive, innocent and fill with so much hope and inspirations.

Though I can still see your shadows from a far, I am still fueled with hopes and inspirations, now imagine me, completely uncontrolled under your influence…

What majestic colors of hope and inspirations that would be.

It would be a feast of fireworks in the sky.

I am care free.

And artistic.

I am a light person to be with.

With light thoughts and heart to cherish.

I am kind to animals.

And I might even sing a song or two for you. Because I love to sing.

I am honest and truthful.

Although I am quiet, rest assure most of the things I tell you are true.

I have GOD as my armor, protector and teacher. He is my never ending source of hope.

You’ll see me in my favorite jeans, and with my hair flowing and dancing with the wind.

When you see me and think of me, you’ll feel at ease.

I am kind at heart and friendly.

But I wont back down on you, if you treat me poorly.

I am not afraid to let go of the people who makes me feel less and unwanted.

But I will cherish the people who sends me hope, respect and understanding.

I will pick up my pencil and draw the things that inspires me. And put colors in it.

I’m gonna write to uplift the spirit’s around me.

And though my life is not perfect, I would gladly and gracefully accept it, as long as it’s not the darkness and guilt you bring in my life.

I appreciate life around me.

And I am an open-minded person with respect to others who have unique and different beliefs from me.

I am not an all angel girl.

Not perfect. Not a saint.

But atleast I am NOT your slave.

You can see me often in a bookstore, or somewhere few people ever go to..

You’ll see me with my dog on the beach, with my bike resting under a coconut tree.

Sometimes you’ll see me with my earphones, listening to songs like:

1. Most girls- Hailee S.

2. They don’t know – Arianna G.

3. Can’t help falling inlove –

4. Nobody but me – Sophia R.

5. Don’t you worry – Tori K.

My friends are living from afar but I still send them messages online.

And one day, I will treat them with soom foods I can afford, we’ll go to the beach and sing Karaoke.

I love spending time with my cousins, watching movies and doing fun things together.

I like to go out at night, with friends and family, and have a simple dinner.

I like to ride on my bike in a cloudy and windy afternoon.

This is me, the real me, where my heart finds peace.

My happy childlike life.

This is me now, even after getting back up from your pitfalls….

Get ready when you see me shine even brighter….

free from you.

” The God is on your side, do not be afraid. ”

**to be continued

To my highschool crush, why do I still have a crush on you when it’s been 7 years since we last met?

You won’t probably read this.. or perhaps by the time you read this, I’m already married with kidsπŸ˜‚… and yet you’ll never know who wrote this.

To my highschool crush, I was a transferee, remember?

That first day, I attended the class you were absent since you’ve been hospitalized.. it was only 1 week, I guess after I was informed that you actually existed.πŸ˜„

But one thing, I won’t forget about that first day and first time I saw you.. was the reaction I had the first time I met you..

(But to begin with, I’m such an imaginable person… I just probably saw myself starring in a movie and then the man of her dream came in and then suddenly she knew he was the one..πŸ˜‚)

But really, kidding aside, I thought my world stop when I saw you..

I felt like, I saw the one for me..

even though I did not know what you’re like.

Infact I can still picture what your face looked like that day….

From that time on, I started having a crush on you. Did you know, I really tried my best with my studies to impress you? I don’t wanna be embarrassed in front of you. 😊

And thanks for being an inspiration, it actually worked.

But weeks passed by, and somehow we became friends but not in romantic way, in fact you kinda teased me alot… Even calling my friend and I with names… it kinda hurt me but it didn’t last. 😝

And I remembered my first ever bonding with you, when we were both chosen to host our Xmas Party, I was kinda having fun and doing my best… adding “Mr” before your name and then being all so formal with our class Christmas party, nevertheless, I can’t believe I was actually slapping you often from laughing 😁 sorry! I didn’t realize it until you told me. Hahahaha!

But then… my world fell down when I thought you had a great crush with our class muse.

I mean who wouldn’t she was perfect and smart and kind.

That’s when I started being so insecure and I felt like I need to act like her and then perhaps you’ll like me….

I was so engross with trying to be someone I’m not that I loss sight of who I was…. I’ve lost my friends and then I’ve lost you too. 😒

Oh! Young heart. If only I knew, being ones self is the best way to be happy, and be the prettiest one I can be…

Months turned to year.. there’s so much awkwardness between us, you probably didn’t like me, changing alot.

I grew shy and more shy everytime. Most especially around you….

The craziest thing I’ve done so far because of you was.. pranking your cousin through text, that we even became GF-BF through text. And he didn’t even knew my real name, I was only using a fake name, the worst part was, him finding out who I am really and then me hearing rumors about what I’ve done. So totally embarrassed 😱

And oh! Moving on, Thanks for cheering me up during the contest I was joining. 😊 And ummmm.

Those sparks I saw in your eyes when I was looking at you, were those made up by my imagination? You were the only person.. ever… whom I’ve seen a sparks with in his eyesπŸ˜•.

Oh! Did you know, your the only guy I’ve cried with because of heart ache (so pathetic considering, it was only a crush😑)

Is this still a crush? Or love? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I never saw you then.. We’ve gone our separate ways.. and had earned our separate degrees…

And only recently, I took the courage of actually, asking for a friend request in FB. whooosh😀

I was very happy and thrilled when I found out you accepted my request 😊. Thanks! I constantly hit like button every time you post on your wall…. but harshly, you never ever did liked any of my post, but your liking our other classmate’s post even HER post.. 😑!

W-H-Y? Perhaps, you’re really pissed off or annoyed with me.. Right?

As you’ve noticed, I never liked any of your post recently. Because you’ve never did in any of my post as well. So lets make it similar.

Anyways, Please know that I am letting go of this “crush” thing I have with you now… It’s been so long already, and I want to make space for others…. your space is taking so much area in my heart….

To my highschool crush, this is the end of my lovestory with you….

I am officially… erasing and deleting you in my space… πŸ˜ƒ

Hello! World…

Welcome! πŸ˜„

…….But hey how can I do that? Hmmm. When you constantly appear in my dreams and when I constantly think of you…

Gosh! How I pray, that you’ll find a girlfriend soon… so that I will have all the reasons in this world to forget you and move on from you…

Or perhaps your still waiting for her because like you, she too, is single!

Hey! Piece of advise, go get her, your great crush, she’s probably waiting for you too……

Infact, I think I will be happy and please when the two of you would end up together….. really, thats true, I have no other motives!!

I don’t think I’m good enough for you…

I mean, if you end up with me, we’re only average looking and… if ever we’ll end up together, think about our children… what would happen to them!? (πŸ˜₯😱)

I mean at least, if with her, she’s above average looking, so there’s a greater chance of you having children with amazing beauty and intelligence….

So go after her, even if it will hurt me a little πŸ˜•

(But really I’m worried about our future children, if me and you end up together….. so for that reason alone…. i can sacrifice you and let you go….πŸ˜‘)

Is that a valid reason?

To be continued………….

What do early 20s do? Aside from work!

1. Be active in social media

Think before you click. But don’t be too greedy in sharing good happenings in your life.

2. Give yourself the permission to spoil in good investments ones in a while.

Go girl get yourself a good quality lipstick.

Go grab that Nike shoes.

Having a herschel bag is an investment plus fashionable.

Buy yourself some smart phone

Experiment in good make up: Eyebrow powder/pencil, glitter eye cream and blush on

3. Take care of your skin

Cleanse. And moisturize. Exfoliate ones in a while. Drink plenty of water and your daily dose of Vitamins.

4. Build new habits and learnings

Since this is the best time to do this things.

Enroll in a class that you are passionate about, or may as well, asked google or youtube for help.

“Self-learning”

5. Share and expose your talents

The first time is always the hardest and most of the times our nagging negative thoughts takes it away from us – hold on baby girl!

There is no regret in doing what you hold on dearly in your heart.

6. Be the best version of yourself at work

Know that someone ABOVE is watching over you. Work hard and honestly even if no one is watching.

7. Practice and be Honest, truthful and real. Be yourself.

Be true to yourself and in dealing with others.

It’s always the best feeling in the world to be appreciated for who you truly are.

8. Buy yourself a bike.

Cycling is the best. Most especially riding on your bike after the rain poured down.

9. Go out more often. Reconnect with nature

On your free time. Go out. Be with nature. Inhale more fresh air. Explore your place.

10. Keep a fit and healthy weight

Know your ideal weight for your height through body Mass Index.

And keep a healthy weight.

Our metabolism slows down ones we reach 20.

11. Adopt a pet

I tell you, having my cat and dog made me life extra brighter and happier.

Buy be sure you are committed to having a pet.

Find time to take them out for a walk.

12. Open a savings account

Or even to invest your money in stocks, although personally I haven’t invested ,yet since I don’t have enough knowledge about it. Although I am already reading articles about how to invest.

Open a saving account as for emergency funds or when you’re ready to invest or build your own business.

13. Embrace your singlehood

Believe in God’s perfect time. In the waiting, be the happiest girl you know.

14. Expand your faith

Pray without ceasing.

15. Help out your family

On my part, I help out my family with groceries and other stuffs.

16. Love your work and you will never feel like working but having fun

Know that on your up, you must start below.

And whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

17. Unleash your sexy diva

Don’t be afraid to show some skin, but remember to stay classy.

If your gonna wear off-shoulder then try to wear a jeans.

Balance it, babe.

(I want to whiten my underarmπŸ˜‚)

18. Once in a while, poke a heart reaction to your crush post

19. Budget your money well

Ones I received my salary, I budget it immediatel through allocating it properly.

20. Build memories and capture more photos with friends, family and in your life.

Since time flies so fast.

See you later!

I was told to have a blast while I’m at my early 20s

I grew up without much in life. Somehow at a young age I was taught of the real value of money. Now that I am working and earning, buying expensive things makes me feel guilty. I feel like I need to save and save more .

That is why, it always takes me time whenever I go shopping for myself or for groceries. I constantly weigh the value, how essential is this, do I need this, is this cost-effective, is this useful, there’s probably other item with the same use but cheaoer, how will this make my life good, etc. ?

I don’t know if I should be happy or feel mocked about people telling me I need to have life, or that I need to live while I’m at my 20s, single, young and free.. because 20s only comes ones.

Or perhaps, I should give chance to their sentiments, and examine myself. Before I run out of time and resources and regret in life.

And then I asked myself.. Am I not living well? How come this is how other people see me?

Am I really not having a blast of fun now that I’m 23?

What should I do then? Should I do something?

Well to be honest, I feel the same way too. I actually think Im not allowing myself to have much fun. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding my own happiness.

I want to at least buy this and have this, but then again, on second thought, I’m just probably wasting money.

When infact, as wise as I can be, I already secure myself a savings for future expenses and investments.

Looking at my friends on facebook, I can see how they are inhaling all the chances they have while they’re still young.

Well, to be honest I guess, there friendly reminder, made some eye-opening views in my life.

I guess now I can say, I’m embracing my moment now more than before..

1. Giving myself permission to purchase quality items as a good investments.

2. Capturing every moment in camera.

3. Being active in social media

Realizing, that it is my job to treat myself well, and not other people.

In the end I am bless to have good people who look out for my own interest.

But above all, to pray without ceasing. To continually ask for God’s guidance and wisdom..

If I am my own celebrity and critique will I be my own basher or follower?

What if I am one of the celebrity?Star? Media Personality? Would I eventually like the kind of persona I am, considering that I am my own critique?

Funny, but most of the time, I’d like to think that I’d probably have many bashers than followers.

Let’s start with the stars I don’t have problem watching at some TV shows and relay what personality I have that matches them: (this is my first time doing this, bet it will be some eye opening “game” πŸ˜‚)

(Local and international celebrities)

1.Kathryn B. / Janine

Since I can be girly sweet sometimes. Like to post cute stuffs.

2. Sarah G.

Conservative type, practical and overly simple and thanks God for the gift of music in me.

3. Maine Mendoza

For the surprisingly many talents: Talent in writing and for having such a good diction and enunciation. Only on her smarter side (not so witty myself as a person although people usually relate and smiles to my funny anecdotes)

Now, for the celebrities I dislike watching before, but later on realize I am being judgemental and ended up appreciating them as a person.

1. Arianna G.

I was not really fond of her but I do memorize and love all her songs. I guess I can be like her, in ways I don’t wanna elaborate, for it may just break my spirit.

2. Wally De Guzman

I am sorry for comparing you with Jose M. And I was often Anti-Wally.. I thought for a comedian he was not so funny. But I had a changed of heart, now I don’t really mind that he is sometimes indifferent, I kinda realize I am in different sometimes and it’s just how other people are. We just have to learn to see the beauty in them.

3. Karylle Padilla

I didn’t really like her very modest,slow vibes and for a host she don’t say much. I felt like she was trying hard to look funny. But now I admire her for embracing herself as an old soul, her unique qualities and are expressing herself more based on how she is as a person.

4. Morisette Amon

I always thought she was mimicking Sarah (when I am a great pretentious and “photocopy”myself) . I thought she was stealing so much identity from Sarah G. And I didn’t like her for that. Though I still see her that way somehow I cannot hide the fact that she is a singer with a great vocal abilities. And I kinda appreciate her now for slowly expressing herself through dyeing her hair, dressing in flashy and cool clothes. So keep it up. Unleash the real you.

Meet the celebrities I currently adore… and are my life pegs.

1. Vice Ganda

I mean who wouldn’t love him.. For being a great comedian and such a good host as well.

I like how honest and real he is as a person. And how he talks intelligently.

2. Maine Mendoza

Though earlier she was one of my somehow soul sister type, her sense of style is upbeat and the kind I am keeping an eye with ever since she appeared in some TV shows.

I like that she is true and honest to unleash her sexy side. I like that she portrays modern Filipina.

And can i just add.. I really admire her white and clean underarm πŸ˜„. And her sense of style as well. It’s young and fresh.

(I was more of the old fashion gal before)

3. Kylie Jenner and Nadine Lustre

We are in the same age bracket and I love how they’re not afraid to express themselves in what they wear. I admire their confidence and for embracing there youth and for being such a sexy diva yet being able to maintain there good values, fun vibes and classiness.

To sum up, I am attracted to energies that reveals honesty and truthfulness to ones self.

And to answer the question, basing on my current interest and perspective nowadays, I guess there is no denying that I am gonna be my own follower.

For honestly portraying her real imperfect self. For the undeniable talent and gifts she possesed. For opening up to new styles ,trend and embracing her unique qualities.

She is one of kind: She is real, smart and kind

To the lady who choose to love the life she was given and the sparks to make it better. This is for you.

1. Painted her life

She knows that someone out there is better than her, prettier than her, charming and lovable than her.. there will always be one. So, why not be me, where I am at my most best.

There she goes, she opened her eyes and took one little step to reaching her dreams. She is excited to color her own life and add beauty to the world around her, in ways she can.

2. She blooms where she is planted.

She is secure in the way she are. She discover things to make her better than she was yesterday. She is calm and believes in the faith of her story. She just blooms, because she guards the thoughts that comes into her mind.

A flower just blooms by itself without having to compete with the flowers around it.

And that’s how she chooses to be.

3. She remains true to her self.

She was a people pleaser, but being one made her a prisoner in her own world..

Until she gave herself the chance to be just her, without tension, without the pressure of being liked. For she knows, the nore you try to set aside your honest feelings, the more you look patterned and not fun to be with.

When she is her true and honest self, she is spontaneous and real. And at the end of the day, what’s important is the state of happiness in your mind.

4. Smile. Have fun in your own company.

A girl is never complete with a smile. Do all things with a pleasant heart. And a pleasant face.

When she is bothered by something.. she pauses what she doing, take a refresher and breath a while.

Because she is learning that her peace is a necessity. That must be keep.